This isn't just to say

That I have eaten the plums

From the icebox that you unwisely left unlocked

.

Like, you didn't even install a lock

What were you thinking?

.

Any butthead could come along and steal your plums!

You're damn lucky it was me.

.

They wer…

"So, my intrepid friend. I think I'm quite ready for another adventure. Care to follow me once more down the rabbit hole?" Phoebe asked her friend across the table. She watched over the rim of her glass as Casey downed her fourth ale of the night.

Casey …

to be or not?

I feel so mobile

shifting. which one

Is more noble?

Suffering with

Sticks or rocks

Outrageoius fortun

My mind socks

A sea of troubles

Splishy splash

I’ll fight it all

the sea I bash

to die,. to sleep,

Perhchance to drim

that is the rub

Or…

One dazzling evening, Mr. Dover Beach was lunching with me and tossing his curls. One of the curls fell down to the ground and Lee Flit swiftly stooped down and rescued it from a passing crayfish, which frazzledly crayed away for easier prey.

Oliver Sutt…

‘Good-bye, dear Prince!’ he murmured, ‘will you let me kiss your hand? I am going to the House of Death. Death is the brother of Sleep, is he not?’

And he kissed the Happy Prince on the lips, and fell down dead at his feet.

‘Bring me the two most precious…

What Lord Shillingsly didn't realize was the magnitude of the gift he was to give to her in exchange for her silence. Arnold was a sure thing; no doubt of that. But when Lady Enid showed her the photorealistic scans of his date with the flower girl as an …

"Yes, sir," he said, and closed the door with a slight bang. Odd, thought Howard as he lit a new and slightly bedraggled cigarette: Temple's out of sorts. What's got up his jumper today? Arnold raced for the door and--

.

The Turlock continued to stalk u…

Twenty minutes later, Snifty leaned back against his bar and wiped his brow against the bar rag. The Turvey had never had so many patrons as there were here today. None of them knew anyone else, but they were all here for the same thing: The Tweaking. In …

Kendreth Leary, manager of the targeted bank, had never trusted Tory or Constantine, even when they were a newly shacked up couple of fifteen months old. Something always seemed odd about the two of them. Maybe it was the flinty scruff on Con's chin, or t…

Overseeing the meeting was their old mentor and senpai, Shrarl Glorlushuprlahh, known as Pop. He raised his twin hands in blessing.

"Kill 'em!" he benedicted. "Wade hip deep in their blood!"

Defiant shouts from both sides echoed through the rafters and …

Right on time, too: 4:03 AM, according to the almanac. O Sumo Garcia-Murry, or OSGM for short. But nobody said that. That sounded stupid.

O was the perfect person to bind this team together. Even Con felt braver when she showed up, nodding to everyone unt…

Orange was in like a shot. It didn't matter what kind of shot. Orange was always looking for some action, which was what drew him to movie production in the first place. Right now he was working on a tracking shot, and had almost found his quarry. After t…

They agreed to five posse members per team, not counting Con and Tor, the leaders of the temporary pax. Tory thumbed her mobile phone and, after several months, assembled a cracked team of heisters: Turbo Lean (the speedster), Andreas Ut (the fireworks ex…

"What?" he demanded, sick of all the verbiage I've been spewing like someone spewing something.

"Sweetling," Tory signaled with her flags, "It's time for a resolution. We've been at it like frogs for too many years. We're both more than a hundred years ol…

Tory drew a line in the sand that covered the table. What a filthy restaurant. Don't go.

"It's like this, Connie," she began. And then she continued. "Like this." she went on, adding nothing to the sentence that had gone before. "Just listen to this," she…

"The time has come," Tory said, "to speak of manly things. First, I want to return the unicorn horn you left at my place back in '78. Here."

Connie took it graciously, smiling bitterly. "My point exactly," he intoned. "But what's yours, Tory?"

I'll have t…

As the music changed to The Bobs' "Zombie Jamboree," so too did the mood of the two ex-lovers change from one of tentative friendliness to one of more serious feeling. It was time for the vocalizations of turkeys; the time of refreshment was over.

"One mo…

After tipping his hat, the hat took their orders and went back to the kitchen. Pips let out a soft snort, shaking his head gently to and fro. "That hat's probably either your kid, or mine," he said nostalgically. "And here we all are here...at Scooper's. …

Tory was staring up at the slanted mirror hooked to the ceiling; Pips's gaze was fixed on the shattered remains of his mocha flagon, in twenty-three pieces on the floor. As the CD unit restarted with "You're my Everything," their eyes started in towards e…

Old Tory Adore may not seem like much now, but let me tell you, back in the day, Tory was a woman to reckon with. When she trod the streets of Fentriss, New Jersey, brother, you could hear people scurryin' away. Her frogskin boots jingled remorselessly as…

Loping along the highway in a bustle of activity and a Winebagel Scampmaster, Ossiary Lefthook sprang bodily towards the Arkansas border, more or less staying upon the tarmacked line of road that went by the name of Interstate 83.2, or "The Tagliatelle Ba…

The day of the Cow Rite had arrived, like a lover who had blacked out overnight and had finally come home from the pub. As the day dawned, a mauve haze like a spill of off-coloured milk on the dairy floor of the horizon, the fields blossomed with daffodil…