"The time has come," Tory said, "to speak of manly things. First, I want to return the unicorn horn you left at my place back in '78. Here."

Connie took it graciously, smiling bitterly. "My point exactly," he intoned. "But what's yours, Tory?"

I'll have t…

As the music changed to The Bobs' "Zombie Jamboree," so too did the mood of the two ex-lovers change from one of tentative friendliness to one of more serious feeling. It was time for the vocalizations of turkeys; the time of refreshment was over.

"One mo…

After tipping his hat, the hat took their orders and went back to the kitchen. Pips let out a soft snort, shaking his head gently to and fro. "That hat's probably either your kid, or mine," he said nostalgically. "And here we all are here...at Scooper's. …

Tory was staring up at the slanted mirror hooked to the ceiling; Pips's gaze was fixed on the shattered remains of his mocha flagon, in twenty-three pieces on the floor. As the CD unit restarted with "You're my Everything," their eyes started in towards e…

Old Tory Adore may not seem like much now, but let me tell you, back in the day, Tory was a woman to reckon with. When she trod the streets of Fentriss, New Jersey, brother, you could hear people scurryin' away. Her frogskin boots jingled remorselessly as…

Polishing her well-fingered nails against a strip of garish colored sandpaper above the visor, Ossie tromped her best L'Oeil and went gangbusters, head for leather, on her hurtling passage of Rite. She would need no rite aid today!

Bucksnifter Lentilsgree…

Loping along the highway in a bustle of activity and a Winebagel Scampmaster, Ossiary Lefthook sprang bodily towards the Arkansas border, more or less staying upon the tarmacked line of road that went by the name of Interstate 83.2, or "The Tagliatelle Ba…

The day of the Cow Rite had arrived, like a lover who had blacked out overnight and had finally come home from the pub. As the day dawned, a mauve haze like a spill of off-coloured milk on the dairy floor of the horizon, the fields blossomed with daffodil…

Tonia saw the tiny robotic bug skitter underneath the sealed metal door and into the Writing Room. Xe knew that there remained less than a minute before the fuse it carried would reach the bomb and tear the room to flinders, and Grace along with it. Tonia…

Of course there are many who fear and hate Jason Voorhees, the masked killer from Crystal Lake; he brought many to misery and worse. It's only natural.

However, there are also fans who consider Voorhees a jolly good fellow--an opinion that, they feel, nob…

Last year I wrote an essay on edible fish; during a performance of an Elizabethan play this evening, I suddenly got the news that I had won a huge award for my Cod piece!

ME: Hey, I heard that Karl Urban, the actor who plays Dr. McCoy in the new Star Trek films, is the twin brother of Kieth Urban, the singer. That's pretty amazing!

NEIL: Oh, for Pete's sake, Joan, you can't believe everything you read! That's just an Urban…

Communism really only works on paper. Don’t try to use Communism with plastic, wood, metal, or glossy paint surfaces. Communism is not engineered to be compatible with Windows 3.1 or later, or Mac OS 8.6. However, some Communism might work on your Vectrex…

The King sent out a messenger into the Wide World to seek out information. The messenger did not return. So he sent out more than four hundred servants to seek the messenger out. The King then assembled these servants to inquire as to their progress.

KING…

All of us--Troy, Maxine, and I--made a solemn vow to protect the liter of wine from the biker gang. We set it down at the top of the stairs and kept a sacred vigil.

But then a hullabaloo started outside and the head of the gang, Sharpe, kicked down the f…