Nightly Routine
I like writing, but I'm not sure if I'm really any good at it yet.
"What a pain." She pulled the scythe back out. Not a drop of blood on it, and not a mark left on his body. Not by her scythe, anyway.
Eris walked off. She'd become numb to death by now. Being there and collecting the soul was just part of the job.
A couple more, and then a trip to the hospital, which always had some, and then it was time to go back. She'd miss the night sky and the lights and sounds, but she'd be back soon enough. But always on the clock.
Back across buildings, up the cliff, and into the cave. She missed the fresh air already. She heard the entrance collapsing behind her. They couldn't leave so easy a gateway, after all.
Several winding tunnels later and she was back to the vast underground city she now called home. Those above would call it Hell, or the Underworld, or some such variation. Where demons and the deceased lived, if one could call it that. And it was hot down here, a factor of the Earth and how it worked, but no one minded much.
Eris walked to the central office to check in.
Prequels
Sequels
No sequels yet. Why not write one?
Comments (3 so far!)
Robert Quick
I liked the last half of this piece more than the first half. The world building of gates and Hell and the central office are all nice touches. The two parts I had problems with are pretty minor and likely come down to personal preference but here they are: saying a body that had just been hit by some kind of motor vehicle was unmarked feels wrong. I think you understood that too with your followup sentence. Secondly she says she's going to stop by the hospital because they always had some left me questioning some what? I mean that was my brain's immediate reaction. I figured out through context of the previous lines that she was talking about souls so it worked out. That's it for now! Overall, nice work though.
- #4040 Posted 6 years ago
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PrincessLapis
Yeah, those two parts being the way they are, I mostly attribute to just the way Eris is thinking it over? Writing it based sort of on her observations and how she's thinking about it. Which isn't always consistent with how one might otherwise expect it to be written, but it's sorta a thing I found I like to do when writing? Makes for a different narrative experience.
- #4056 Posted 6 years ago
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Inspired by (sequel to):
Eris stepped out of the dank cavern and into the cool night air. A gentle breeze blew past, carrying…
Moonlight- Published 6 years ago.
- Story viewed 9 times and rated 0 times.
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ethelthefrog
"She'd become numb to death by now..." that implies a much deeper story about how Eris came to be in this job in the first place. I like it.