Gone With The Tide
I like writing, but I'm not sure if I'm really any good at it yet.
I sat alone on the beach, skipping stones into the inky black water. The sun had long since gone, leaving the stars alone to try to light the night. A cold breeze blew, forcing me to shiver for warmth.
If anyone was here, they would've advised I go inside, lest I catch a cold or something. But I didn't feel up to going inside. Not where I should go, anyway. He would be there. And I didn't want to see him. Not after earlier. He likely wouldn't want to see me, either.
But I couldn't stay here, either.
I got up and tentatively stepped into the water. It was almost like ice, freezing cold. It didn't take long for my feet to feel slightly numb. But the shock was a welcome change.
I stepped back out, the cold sand now feeling almost warm. Funny how that happened. I started walking, albeit with a slight stumble.
I had far more important things to do than wallow in self-pity, or otherwise feel sorry for myself.
I'd move on.
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Comments (4 so far!)
PrincessLapis
I have no idea. I have no other plans for this story, just a random bit that was in my head, actually. Feel free to add dragons. =p
- #3987 Posted 6 years ago
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Robert Quick
I like the idea of this, the arc from where it starts to where it ends. Notes: 1) I imagine that the protagonist is chucking stones into darkness (or a void), as the stars wouldn't give much light to see by. 2) I don't think you need to say 'forcing me to shiver for warmth'. Noting the cold breeze and then the shiver in response is probably enough. 3) In the second paragraph specific details would help give the story life. Who would give the advice to go inside? A mother or kind aunt? A friend? etc. And naming the He at first would be good too, I think. Lastly for that paragraph I'd like the final sentence to be moved down to be a sentence on its own, let the last few sentences breathe a little. 4) When the protagonist stumbles, I'd like a connecting sentence about righting themselves or shaking it off or w/e which will give the final lines more impact. Connecting the stumble and then moving onward makes it all come together nicely, I think.
- #4044 Posted 6 years ago
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PrincessLapis
1) Yeah, the ocean pretty much looks like void. Much too dark to see a ton there.
2) I sorta chose that just because I... couldn't figure out how else to mention it without it sound awkward and forced, whoops.
3) Literally any random person would probably say "Hey, it's cold, go inside," and the not naming the He is kind of a point? Sorta thinking that they broke up and the main character is in the state where they don't even want to think his name, and since it's first person, you don't get to hear his name, either. And that might be a nice change, but I also sorta thought of it as a run-on thought train? So just sorta, in quick succession.
4) They could maybe shrug it off, but in my experience, it's incredibly hard to not stumble when your feet are slightly numb from cold, so they probably can't exactly correct it, unfortunately. Also have probably been sitting for at least a few hours and their legs are probably cold and stiff, too.
- #4059 Posted 6 years ago
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0
- Published 6 years ago.
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ethelthefrog
Will there be swords? Will there be dragons? Please let there be dragons.