Mountain Spring
I like writing, but I'm not sure if I'm really any good at it yet.
The wind played in her hair and whistled through the grass. The cool water lapped gently at her feet, a welcome reprieve after walking all the way here. The sun shone down on her, wrapping all in its warm embrace.
Faintly in the distance, she could hear her mom shouting. "Eva! Eva, where are you!?"
She would have to wait. The girl couldn't dream of coming out here without visiting this place. It was her favorite spot in the whole world.
- - -
"Honestly, where is that girl?"
"Probably off meandering through the trees," her grandmother replied. "She's always loved nature."
"I don't know how she became such a... nature child. She grew up in a city."
"Maybe that's just it. She longs for what she's seldom had. And I believe it's in her genes."
"Well I don't know where she got it from, because it wasn't from me. I hate the bugs and the dirt and the complete lack of running water."
The grandmother laughed. "Nature does speak to people, in each their own way." She delicately caressed a nearby tree.
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Comments (6 so far!)
PrincessLapis
Thanks! Glad to be here. Tiny stories seemed excellent practice, and as is the original intent, don't take up a ton of time, work, or dedication if you don't want them to!
- #3980 Posted 6 years ago
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Robert Quick
Welcome! Interesting to see three generations of women conveyed within the limiting framework. There is something to be said for connecting with nature, but there's also something to be said for plumbing (running water). Someone once said, "Where plumbing and cats are, is civilization." How much constructive criticism are you interested in receiving? I have some thoughts but I don't want to intrude where I'm not wanted.
- #4020 Posted 6 years ago
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PrincessLapis
Yeah. The poor mom just likes having running water.
And ah, I dunno! I'm just sorta writing casually and not even sure what I'm doing, just writing brief snippets that pop into my head. You probably are welcome to give advice, though. I can always keep or discard whichever bits I do or don't like for what I wanna do. (Also whoops, sorta didn't see this sooner because I've been mostly busy drawing and not writing a lot.)
- #4032 Posted 6 years ago
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Robert Quick
The main thing that sticks out here is 3 uses of the word gently in such a small space. It would be better to find synonyms or other ways of saying the same thing or better yet, know why you feel like gently must be used. Is it because it's the way you see it in your head or because you are saying something about the women through the scenery. Stephen King advocates for not using adverbs at all when possible--but even he doesn't follow his own advice. I do try to excise them when I can in my own writing but I'm not always successful either.
Now that I know you're okay with feedback, some of your other stories may get some. I believe I stopped at 2 because I wasn't sure if you were interested, or even if you were coming back.
- #4039 Posted 6 years ago
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PrincessLapis
...Oh. Whoops. That's something I probably would have at least partly caught if I'd given it a better read. I haven't necessarily thought all of these through the best when writing them, nor did I give all of them a proper error check. There's been a couple instances of typos. I will definitely try to keep it more in mind.
I am a writer at heart. I keep taking little breaks because I also art a lot and sometimes don't have a lot of anything to write, but I can't stop writing, and tiny stories are perfect for expressing my little snippets of ideas that I wouldn't know how to flesh out enough otherwise, so they'd get lost to the void.
- #4055 Posted 6 years ago
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ethelthefrog
Lovely moment you've captured here, Lapis.
Welcome to the site.