The Fear of Isolation
Where the -@!# did my muse go?
Writer, dreamer, knight, shackled by entertainment . . . and people.
Messenger dings again, the three inside the bubble becoming a four.
She wants to talk and still I don't want to bother her. Because I love her and I know she doesn't love me. She's reaching out for the first time in years. I don't want to fail her but what will it cost?
I've never had much dignity to start with, I don't know why I try to preserve any of it. I feel like a starving man holding onto a quarter because I'm afraid to spend it and being hungry is familiar.
I am so smart but I always feel like I'm trailing behind everyone else emotionally. In grade school I was lost, in high school I was a child, in community college I was a teen. It's been twenty years but I find myself a teen again full of overflowing emotion that spills out of every channel, bursts through every dam.
It always comes down to being afraid. Afraid of opening up, afraid of putting pressure onto people I like, because they might run from me.
Life tears them away any way.
Fingers trembling, I reply.
Never mind. She's gone now.
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Comments (2 so far!)
Robert Quick
"That's my secret, Elsha, emotionally I'm always crazy . . . "
- #3360 Posted 7 years ago
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ElshaHawk LoA
Like a starving man holding onto a quarter.. perfect description! When you become aware of your fear , you can conquer it. Yes, familiarity is comfortable, but if you want change, you have to change. People are stronger than you give them credit for. And you'll sound completely crazy opening up for the first time. Fair warning.