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I am my own OC. I will keep track of my life. These may be news, or they may be venting. I need somewhere to write the truth of my heart. Probably it won't interest you.
Some of it will be fictional. I'm my own write-in OC.
I'm somewhat troubled...
if by somewhat I mean massively.
I'm abroad with my family on a trip I never wanted to take, on a "vacation." We spend all day in the hotel, with the same food every meal.
I was taken here partly to find a new job for me and possibly for my partner, though I was never consulted and still don't know any real details. It sounds as if we might have been accepted but I have no clue what duties we'd have to perform.
We would be better off not living together, not having met really. I went into this marriage with blinkers on. It was not the right decision. I have no control over my life. She controls everything, probably thinking that my lack of backbone indicates I'm some sort of money-earning moron for her to profit off of.
I keep thinking about killing myself or being killed in some indirect way that nobody could blame me for. I live and stay alive now only for my friends and my kids. Make no mistake. I want out of this life. I never want to go back to that sublimely mediocre island where my stuff is. I don't care. I want to be gone for good.
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Comments (4 so far!)
ElshaHawk LoA
You seem to be married to a control freak. They don't like to be pushed around. Challenging them is tough. Unfortunately, you have to be yourself and push her back, metaphorically, so you can have room in the relationship.
- #3315 Posted 7 years ago
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ethelthefrog
Blinkers is the correct term in British English: means "blinders".
DeerDiary, no situation is inescapable. Lean on friends to get you through this time. Do make use of us here if you want and definitely use more tangible and better-qualified services too. Be well.
- #3319 Posted 7 years ago
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Robert Quick
Yikes. Due to the diary tag, I'm treating this story as if it is real. If it's not, please forgive the intrusion. I hope expressing this helps. I've been through a depressive few years myself, where literally every day I saw opportunities to end my life. I ended up on prescribed medication for a year and a half which helped but my depression comes and goes. If you need to talk, I've been told I'm a good listener.
As far as writing goes, in the fourth paragraph, I think you meant blinders rather than blinkers. Although I like the idea of going into a relationship with metaphorical hazard lights on. Same paragraph 'money earning moron' might be correct but it feels to me as that's a self label, rather than a indictment of and by the wife. I think if you said something like 'I'm not an ATM or a money growing tree' or something might help get the point across with coming across as a negative self-deprecation. I guess it's probably good to ask here if you even want feedback and/or criticism.