Catalyst

"Do you understand?"

I needed them to understand, all of them. This was my life, my reality, the real me with my real feelings. Vulnerability made my eyes red and wet and clogged my nose and throat. There was nothing more to be said.

They said nothing.

Some of them silently left the room. Others stayed, brows furrowed in concentration or up in surprise. They all heard my words, but I knew they all heard them differently. Each one was processing the information in a way they could digest it. Some seemed to refuse to accept it. Others seemed to want to support me, their faces now showing sad concern. Some remained deep in thought, lost inside themselves, faces as unreadable as if they were asleep.

If only one of them spoke, to give an opinion, it would break up the agony of the unknowing. Take sides! Yell! Agree, disagree, cry; something!

Excusing myself to the bathroom, again the catalyst, I was sure they'd start to whisper behind my back. Maybe I'd never know who was on my side.