003

Today I tried to make a fresh start. It's still morning now.

I gussied myself up, made nice smells, chose nice duds and pretty colors, trying to be fresh.

Trying again.

I get in here and feel sucked into the vortex again, as if I were still Mrs Drudge the help.

You know that character?

Well, I'm not posting anymore to that blog, and that feels safer, a bit.

They're not leaving me alone, though. Hell, they're not getting the message, I may have to just pull the plug.

that kind of ideation just keeps going, I'm afraid. I had the awl in my hand and had to put it down

I am scared for myself, I do feel as if I'm losing my grip.

I should go back to therapy, but I'm too socially anxious to make contact and I would nto be able to speak.

I don't know what's best to do.

Can you block people here at Ficlatte? Can you make it happen?

How can I feel less DOOMED??

how can I end this?

without hurting people, I mean. That's the tough bit.

hey

can I have maybe a hug, a word of encouragement? I'm fresh out.

Thankee-sai.