An Intrusive Thought

I hadn't heard from you in several days, my dear close friend. Sunday when I thought of you I was suddenly sure that I would hear from you later that day, and that you had decided that it was best to stop all contact with me, that you could not feel any more kind or tender feelings for our friendship, that you were cutting ties, and that I must not respond. Not to ask why, not to request a conversation about it, not to apologize. I was convinced that this would happen. I started to accept that as an inevitable truth. And I was terrified, hurt, forlorn.

I was too scared to message you at all, for fear of hastening the end.

Three days later I got three words from you. Not encouraging ones. Frightening ones.

And two days after that, we were fine. I could not fathom how to re-direction my mind and heart after that. I could not swerve away. I crashed into your still-present love and in my utter confusion, damaged that love.

And in my hideous skid, I caused the evitable to happen in fact.

How much rue I feel.