Seventeen Demented Dwarves

Seventeen dwarves rounded the corner in clown make-up looking like what can only be described as demented. Ten of them still had napkins tucked into their collars. Seven wielded forks. One swung a turkey leg menacingly then paused to take another greasy bite. The red face paint left on the leg did nothing to convince me to bargain with them.

"Stop! As Mayor of this town, I.."

"You wouldn't BE Mayor if it weren't for us!" screeched one in rainbow suspenders.

"Yeah," agreed the one with giant blue tears painted on his face, "we ARE the town!"

To make their point, one of them in a tiny green bowler hat picked up a metal dining chair from outside the café, hurled it through the bakery window, then climbed in to smash cupcakes in his face. Tourists fled, screaming.

"Technically, you are the main attraction.."

"We bring the money; money talks; money makes Mayors; we make you."

"Fine! You can have your monster truck rally. Just stop eating the profits or there won't be money for either of us!"