Exploration of the Sin of Procrastination

I'm such a loser.

There are a million excuses for not doing what I know I should do. Still, I don't do it.

I avoid it until the guilt is so heavy on my heart that I have to alleviate the pain. I have to stop not doing it and face it and just do it.

It's not even fear that holds me back. I don't want to escape some other, deeper hurt. I don't want to escape some punishment.

I simply find other things to occupy myself and my time and my mind with, neglecting this thing, denying myself the pleasures.

Is it a weird masochism? I want to deny myself, I want to feel I deserve some punishment?

No.

It's plain and simple laziness and procrastination.

Why?

There is no reason. There are only piles of unused excuses. The list is longer than Santa's good boys and girls list. Longer than the bad list, too. I hold them in, never to let them pass into full thoughts. Acknowledging them will make the guilt come faster. The guilt that brings the pain.

All I have to do is DO the thing. It's not hard. It's fun.

Fine.