It's Not A Green Thumb

The first day I saw it, it was just a little spot. Right over my left ring-finger knuckle. I thought maybe I had not washed well, or I got some ink on it from work.

The next morning my whole knuckle was green and looking a little fuzzy. I considered a trip to the doctor's office, but my wallet was bereft of the copay, and so was my bank account. It would have to wait until payday.

I looked up home remedies. I washed my hands in bleach. The fuzz turned black. Ha! Progress. I wrapped it in a bandage and told my coworkers I burnt it making pizza.

I woke up the next day with the entire back of my hand covered in green fuzz. There was a free clinic in town, but only open from noon to 2 on Thursdays. At work, I could hardly concentrate. I spilled coffee down my pants, sent an email to the wrong person, and accidentally deleted an entire days' worth of data all by 10:30.

I took a half day and a taxi to the clinic. After eliminating bad hygiene and gardening tendencies, there was only one solution: Envy.