Yellow Beats Purple Black-and-Blue
I broke the mountains majesty
To get beneath her skin
To show the truth of buried beauty
And the gold that lies within
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But she wont thank me for my effort
For she does not understand
How her pain could be called “progress”
And her rape could have been planned
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She’s tried to bar her gates
With wind and rock and ice
But I have always found a challenge
The most savory of spice
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So do your worst milady terra
Because you know I will do mine
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Comments (5 so far!)
Average reader rating 4.50/5
Sanglorian
Certainly a poem that warrants a second reading. I enjoyed its sentiment and composition.
"Mountains" and "wont" are both missing apostrophes (I'm never sure with poetry if this is deliberate or not), and I find the end jarring (perhaps deliberately; but it feels like there should be another two lines, with the last one rhyming with "mine").
- #301 Posted 10 years ago
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0
- 4 out of 5
ethelthefrog
Not really sure how the last two lines fit and, reading Sanglorian's comment, I find myself agreeing.
I'm not a particular fan of poetry, but I find myself reading this a few times and finding more each time I do.
- #302 Posted 10 years ago
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0
Fantasist
I'm not sure I would agree with adding two more lines in the end because it seems that would make it clunky. The ending is abrupt but the way I read it in my head, the words come out more elongated. More like a poetic evil mastermind talking in a sing-song manner. But of course, this is just my opinion. Haha
- #304 Posted 10 years ago
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0
- 5 out of 5
Cariad Ceffyl
Well written indeed. I too must give it a second read, maybe a third. I find myself relating to this on a very personal level. It it thought provoking and somewhat sad. I really enjoyed it.
- #346 Posted 10 years ago
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0
- 5 out of 5
- Published 10 years ago and featured 10 years ago.
- Story viewed 48 times and rated 4 times.
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Fantasist
This was such an original work I had to go back and read it again just so I can grasp its uniqueness. This was extremely well written with one long metaphor. Worth five pencils without a doubt.